i told you i was trouble,

just knocking at your door.  i can't seem to feel a thing other than pain.  today i realized i am sorta impervious to happiness or anything good, i let it slide right off of me.  it can't touch my skin, it won't stay inside, it doesn't dig deep, it just doesn't stay inside me anymore. 

this isn't about anyone or anything in particular but more about everyone and everything around me, not around me.  how did i get so far away from what i want to be? how did i get so close to becoming my fucking nightmare?

how do i stop this?