tessie barks shrilly

the art walk is today, there is some event at ambiente today. i am not entirely interested in either one but i plan on attending both.

i've really been trying to capture a positive attitude. but an ACTUAL positive attitude. it takes constant work and effort on my part but it's okay. i can be so emotionally lazy sometimes that i'd rather be neggy cause it comes easier and is more natural for me. today i thought about the great personality traits my friends [and sometimes non-friends] possess. i don't have to be everyone's friend, people can find me annoying... it's OKAY. i can still appreciate them for being funny and admire them for having beats in their heads louder than their hearts. i can be so emotional and sensitive sometimes but i think that is what makes me so interested in manipulating human emotions and having an emotional imagination. i am all stella adlered out.


i have a new life plan, which is move to los angeles.
there are a few things i have to do here in order to make it possible. I need to pay off some SERIOUS debt. dudes, i made some major financial fuck ups that i need to take care of.

I owe on two separate accounts to chase bank around: $1000
I owe to STC's credit card progam around: $200
I owe some crazy law office that wants to sue me: $700
I owe the city of Port Isabel: $400


---all of these debts make me a UNDESIRABLE candidate for a loan. and i am gonna need a BIGGIE loan to move. like... such a huge one. i am thinking about two or three sets of $25,000. the hard part was getting accepted! i am SO glad that i did.



i know i am right now though. i've always known in my heart that i am an actor but now it is cemented in by the fact that someone who studied under stella adler herself accepted me into the school. her understanding of performance art is probably the best for me. i am somewhere between using the stella adler technique and method acting. which is like saying that you are black and white [the colors not the ethnicities]. stella adler uses her IMAGINATION to make things real, she doesn't believe in pulling from an actor's own personal experience. she is true to the direct form of acting... which is bringing your emotions out of thin air. out of what you know and what you've felt and what you can imagine. it's the truest and oldest form of acting and in my opinion is the sincerest form of acting. :D


i am looking forward to my lifeee.