dying to please.

whatever, i don't want to talk about my weird relationship with my mother. i just want to tell this story.

I've given up going to sxsw because it falls in the middle of my mother's 65th birthday, i've been running around like a chicken without a head trying to find her the PERFECT wallet. She is insistant upon a few musts: it must have a zipper as opposed to a button to close the checkbook area, it must be a dark color as she has plenty of pen-marked cream colored ones, it must be leather... for who knows what reason. so i went to target FOR MYSELF as browsed the wallets, i found an awesome little snappy one that was bright red and i liked it for me. i couldn't bear to leave the store without something mom related so i bought her this wreath of wood shavings shaped like roses, it's really pretty [she hates actual flowers]. back the wallets, i actually found one with the zipper for the checkbook! that excited me beyond belief cause i had been several places [bealls and kohls] and they simply don't exist. the color was black with a few generic looking "brand" designs on it that were grey so i figured that fit the bill. it's not leather because it's target not neiman marcus.


SO i bring it home, she's not very happy with it. i can deal with that it's OKAY! so i tell her we'll keep looking.
after getting my warrant cleared, i apply again for the census at the McAllen Chamber of Commerce... a few steps from the mall. beyond my wildest dreams, i have an urge to go to the mall and look for badass wallets. so i go to Macy's... NONE of them have the zipper checkbook thing but of course they are all leather and all overpriced. and not just overpriced slightly, well into the 300 dollar range. OMG no. i had only brought 200 hundred anyway.




i come home to find that she's put all her stuff in the target wallet. but something isn't settling well with me. her first reaction to the wallet was NO, then all of a sudden it's okay. i go into her room and ask her about it but i interrupt "bible time". i ask about it and she says in spanish that god would "punish her" if she were choosy about a wallet. to each her own, that's chill. and i'm asking her about the functions and to show me how everything looks in it. then she makes the most ANNOYING face sorta a downward smile [the rodriguez brothers are famous for this look except they don't look annoying] and she says "IT'S PRETTY ROUGH".







and i'm like "WAIT, WHAT does that mean?", she starts telling me it's tough on her hands because it's not leather and she mentions that i always buy myself nice things [the aforementioned red wallet was 8 dollars] and that i made myself a "pendeja" trying to buy her cheap things.


eh i just started to cry. i threw some fit and yelled called her an asshole, came to my room and cried. i'm thinking that i really want her to like me now. i am thinking that i want her to like ME. not my room being clean or how many times i take a shower in a week. because i refuse to change those things about myself... now i am trying to get her to love me at any cost. spending my money... doing things for her, making dinner with her every night, reading the bible to her out loud while she gets ready for work. it's a lot of work, it's a nightmare and she still doesn't like me. officially GIVING up.