and i eat pears everyday. i walk tessie everyday. i try to do ME everyday. i've learned when i am anxious i need to just ride the wave of being a human being. i don't have to soothe myself every minute of everyday, i certainly don't need to indulge in relaxation. i've been dreaming of my friends lately, i have dreams that seem like a lifetime ago. like i have no idea how things were how they were. i wake up pretty early and sleep pretty early, i feel tired in the morning and tired at night. i've had two periods since i've seen a lot of people.
i think i am trying to fool myself into thinking that i am some kind of gentle soul. like i'm not raging angry about some things because i want to feel serene. i'm trying to convince myself that i can be someone else, that i don't have to be held captive by my anger. i feel sometimes as if all this shit is in my head, so much now more than ever.
i don't know what's going on but i think i'm losing.
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