mosquitoes.

i try not to make a big deal out of them. 

but this one has been buzzing by my ear, by my neck and in front of my book nearly all night. i sorta feel taunted.

like he's living my life, mocking the fact that i haven't looked up from my book all night.

bzzz bzzz bzzz. like he gets a fucking kick out of the fact that every thirty minutes i try to get up and find him so that i can kill him. i just want to kill him right now. my feet, hands, face, thighs and ankles will be my evidence. he pushed me to do it.

it's either him or me but i can't catch him. he's a slippery baby of a mosquito. only when he passes my window or book can i see him, it's so strange. i try following him with my huge human eyes but his little body slips just about anywhere. he's winning and laughing, my blood fueling him. he'll probably slip out of a window or door tomorrow and tell all his friends about how he spent his night/early morning. or with my luck, the mosquito will be ashamed of me. he won't acknowledge me, he'll leave me and never want to drink from me again. he'll buzz right out of my life like so many mosquitoes before him. 

the book i'm reading:

It's such a fantastic book! it's about seven different lives, they all live in the same suburb and it's sorta how their lives intersect and the perceptions they have of each other. the perceptions they try to control and the book tells how little the characters really know about each other. even the married couples. it sorta reveals this shocking truth about things that can seem so ordinary and how the term "ordinary" doesn't really have a definition in society. themes that aren't exactly original but their meaning and presentation are SO original. we end up feeling like the 33 year old retired cop is the creep and the psychosexual "pervert" is the victim. new perspective, new new new.

ALRIGHT. so everyone knows my insane obsession with producer/show creator Alan Ball. Firstly, i was head over hells for his series Six Feet Under. 

an intense drama about death with so my sincerity it was soul crushing. I can talk for hours and hours about the enormous effect this show had on me. but recently, he just wrapped up a second season of his ridiculously critically acclaimed show, TRUE BLOOD.

Aside from the fact that I have always been consumed with death, i just love the themes of True Blood. Immortality, mortality, what life means when you can't die, social injustices, religion, savage-like sex, the definition of love, possession, humanity, what being a human means... all the BIG themes that animate my life.

There is a character named Jason Stackhouse, who is the older brother of the main character Sookie Stackhouse. Jason has been through a lot; his parents killed in a flash flood when he was eleven, his grandmother and girlfriend being savagely murdered by a good friend and co-worker of his. He sorta had this emptiness inside of him and all he knew to do was to be hot and fuck anything that walked. 

In the second season of the show, Jason feels the need to belong and was recruited by a anti-vampire church called The Fellowship of the Sun. the idea of the church is that they are radical and believe vampires to be... well, evil. Jason doesn't question much, he just feels like he belongs to a family and feels closer to god. He makes the worst decisions and suffers greatly for them. But something that i can't shake is how his character just wants to be good. he just wants to be closer to his maker and do something for the greater good of mankind. he wants to be a hero but doesn't know how to save a thing, not even himself. he wants to be there for his sister and he wants to love and be loved in return.

I have the most in common with this character.

that's Jason Stackhouse having a conversation with Reverend Steve Newlin founder of Leadership of the Sun [notice jason's muscle shirt stands for Light of Day Institute]. sooo fucked up, yet so powerful. self-righteousness for the "glory" of god proves to be much scarier than sharp-toothed men.