oh man. things are just so unfair.
i want to scream and yell and kick shit, destroy things, cry loudly. none of that helps, this feels like a silent blog that goes on and on and on. oh my my my, sometimes i wish and wish so hard that things that happened to me will go away. i can't get them to go away, it slaps me in the face all the time, every morning any time that i'm alone. i feel like it knows my weaknesses, knows how to cling on every cell, it makes my heart absolutely ache.
but i gotta learn how to deal. i find that talking about without people rolling their eyes and getting so impatient is a great way of coping for me. but people are tired of hearing the same thing over and over, sometimes i progress leap and bounds and sometimes i am so far back i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
i think laughing help me soo much. today my asian friend went to a store and as soon as she walked inside she was like, "oh my god there are nothing but 'philippinos' in here they are all gonna like me". so wrong on so many levels that i just burst out laughing harder than ever. it's super light and infectious to laugh at something silly and ridiculous. it makes me feel childlike, like i am pure. experiencing one of the oldest, truest human emotions. lose myself in laughter and in FUCK. :p
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