ummm

can i JUST SAY that i am fully, without a doubt inspired by christina aguilera. i mean, vocally who wouldn't be... but her message is so obvious and clearly communicated whenever there is confusion. her message is and has always been female empowerment and almost worship. sometimes it all out there like in the song "cant hold us down" but in her new music video "not myself tonight" she is playing with a lot of s&m imagery. she's the dominatrix but she's also bound and gagged... giving her the decision to be in dominant or submissive but nonetheless powerful. the name of her album is "bionic", another nod to the power of women. i think about how she became a mother recently and i think that her suggestion is that women are a sub-human... able to carry and birth life, almost superior :x. she is probably feeling like a "bionic" woman because she can be a zillion different things all at one time, we all can. she's a mother, a wife, a daughter, a vocalist, a performace artist... but most of all a strong woman.

i feel sad that she is being compared to lady gaga. christina has been platinum blond and is constantly reinventing herself. the "inventions" may not be the freshest we've seen but christina can be the innocent 18 year old girl, dirrty girl, a 20's pin up girl and a bionic woman all at the same time... yet another one of her points. there is no reason to choose, her choice is to be all "tonight i'm not the same girl". sooo fucking good, i am so weirdly excited because she has a song with peaches on the new album and JD Samson produced two songs on it. :x isn't that fucking crazy?

poppin like champagne bottles but we're never shook

oh man, what a wasted day. worry worry worry, i don't have any problems. i don't need certain people in my life, i had the courage to accept that earlier this year... and now i am just taking it all back. it's hard to grow i guess, cause the next time you fall the fall is much harder. but i refuse to fall, there are some things i have to stay focused on if i want my life to be the fullest, richest it can get. i have enough things to worry about what with my career [it sounds so good to say that], my lack of a job, rejuvenating my relationship with my immediate family, waiting on chase bank to assign me an investigator, clearing up my credit, getting a loan... i have a lot on my plate.

i can't worry about being harassed on my tumblr or being called a bitch and or being terrorized by my friend's boyfriend. i don't expect anything else out people such as those, so i needa chill on being surprised.
life weeded out for me the things that weren't working for me and somehow the weeds are creepin around again. but i won't let them, i can spot them a mile away now. so UM NO.

i logged in to do thiiiis

do you like it boy? i want want want, what you got got got give it to me baby like boom boom boom. what i want want want, is what you want want want na naaaaa aaaaa-aaaaah


there is something so incredibly special about her voice : [ it's definitely all style but sometimes her low notes make me sooo happy. i'm happy this morning. incredibly so.

cm, ym- cash money bidness

oh man. things are just so unfair.
i want to scream and yell and kick shit, destroy things, cry loudly. none of that helps, this feels like a silent blog that goes on and on and on. oh my my my, sometimes i wish and wish so hard that things that happened to me will go away. i can't get them to go away, it slaps me in the face all the time, every morning any time that i'm alone. i feel like it knows my weaknesses, knows how to cling on every cell, it makes my heart absolutely ache.


but i gotta learn how to deal. i find that talking about without people rolling their eyes and getting so impatient is a great way of coping for me. but people are tired of hearing the same thing over and over, sometimes i progress leap and bounds and sometimes i am so far back i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.



i think laughing help me soo much. today my asian friend went to a store and as soon as she walked inside she was like, "oh my god there are nothing but 'philippinos' in here they are all gonna like me". so wrong on so many levels that i just burst out laughing harder than ever. it's super light and infectious to laugh at something silly and ridiculous. it makes me feel childlike, like i am pure. experiencing one of the oldest, truest human emotions. lose myself in laughter and in FUCK. :p